Wednesday, September 30, 2009

حاصر حصارك !

سقط القناع..
عن القناع..
عن القناع ..سقط القناع..
قد أخسر الدنيا..نعم..
لكني أقول الآن.. لا..
هي آخر الطلقات.. لا..
هي ما تبقى من هواء الأرض.. لا..
ما تبقى من حطام الروح..لا..
بيروت..
لا..
حاصر حصارك..
لا مفر.
.اضرب عدوك..
لا مفر..
سقطت ذراعك ؟
فالتقطها..
وسقطت قربك ؟
فالتقطني..
واضرب عدوك بي..اضرب عدوك بي ..
فأنت الآن..
حر.. وحر.. وحر..
قتلاك أو جرحاك فيك ذخيرة..
فاضرب بها عدوك..
أنت الآن..
حر.. وحر.. وحر..
حاصر حصارك.. بالجنون! .. و بالجنون ..
ذهب الذين تحبهم..آه ذهبوا..
فإما أن تكون..أو لا..لا تكون…..
محمود درويش

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

i don't care :-)

hi, it's me again, back!
Shshshshhhhhhhhhh .. I don't care..yup ! coz I'm kinda " HIGH" * ! yup , human nature! Nobody actually cares when everything's ok !
Mug of coffee , Moon light sonata, sweet dream ,new idea that charges some flux of ideas ... when u suddenly c stars as bright as they r ! yeah .. it's that simple .. that great !
Like Amr Diab once sang " 3aref enta agmal 7aga tfarra7 elwa7ed heiia eih .. en elly yama 7lemt beih tela2eh 7a2ee2a " *
Yeah .. it's when u feel it inside .." heiia de " " that's it"!
It's one of the greatest blessings of ALLAH, when HE guides u to what u need to know .. what u need to do..what u r to do !
When HE " al HADY " guides u l " dthallatek " .



*naturally high .. away fom any masseiia,.. talk about it later.
*5alleek ma3aia song .

Friday, September 25, 2009

everything .. & nothing

hi, it's me again , back!
life is something between everything.. & nothing

everything .. no matter how big or small it is .. important or idle

all IS EVERYTHING .. ALL IS NOTHING .. at the same time

thanks to RELATIVITY .. that 's one of the greatest signs of ALLAH' s mercy & power & greatness..
that space between " everything & nothing " & the 'fact ' that they occur simultaneously gives so much FREEDOM .. TOO MANY OPTIONS .. SPACE .. MARGIN .. CONSIDERATION .. MEDITATION .. & RESPONSIBILITY !!
so enjoy it .. do it .. live it .. B IT ! that's how it goes .. that 's what it is .. i suppose .
&..
life is too short !

what i like about u

Hi, it's me again, back!
What I like about u,
I like ur smile .. ur wide clear beautiful eyes
Ur crazy dependence that makes me ur word
I like it that I'm a part of ur life
I like it that u live for me .. u live ur life just to b there for me .. though I always run away from u !
I love ur arms .. that u let play with them for hours
I like it when I sleep on ur legs
I like when u hug me every morning before I go to work & say ur prayers.. For me.
I like ur little tender gentle hands.. they r so feminine !
I like u when u r sleeping.. & I keep messing in ur locker!
I like it for how u "care" about ur family.. but I hate it when they control u!
I like it when u "listen" to me playing the piano
I like it when u "c" my paintings & explain 'em to me
I like it when buy me new clothes
I like it when u care to give me "da3m"
I like it when u grab my arms to walk u
I like it when u like anything I get u no matter how simple or small it is!
I like it that u r Ok with everything all the time
I like it when u passionately worry on dad when he's late
I like u after shower
I like u when u put ur Orlain perfume
I like ur very ordinary folkloric jokes

i like u when my head is so messed up & not a chance i can sleep

unless i go deep in ur hug & put my head on ur arms .. only then i peacfully sleep

i like ur peace

i like ur patience & resistance to all the " pain & obstcles " u have !

i like that we r together..

something NO ONE can understand

i like the special thing we r.. that special different way we communicate

we r no ordinary mom & daughter

u r my special friend

u r my daughter

u r my angel

u r my paradise angel

i know that NONE of them understands or knows how i love u
i love u MY WAY .. & it growing on & on day by day
& i'm here today .. to tell u my baby..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Rabbena ye5alleeky leiia

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

! No BIG deal

Hi, it’s me again, back!
What is a big deal?
Who is Mr. “big deal “?
Plz, DEFINE “BIG DEAL “!!
Is it ur work? The “big deal “? ur work FIELD , does that plays a big part in the package ? u r Mr. POLITICS , BUSINESS , ENGINEERING , MEDIA , SEWAGE , ECONOMICS , ACADEMICS ,ARMY, NATIONAL SECURITY, ……….. R u the DOCTOR ? Mr. MBA ? NASA astronaut ? Academic professor ? General ? Mr. executive xxx ? Mr. manager ? Mr journalist , ……………….?
Does the field someone works in adds some to the “big deal “ thing, I mean things like what u dress while doing ur work , like formal clothes , certain uniform , casual clothes , field clothes ? Does the following form a portion of ur dream , when u dream about what u wanna b , the white coat of doctors , scientists , military or police suits , petroleum engineers uniform , civil engineers helmet , waist bag of a reporter , camera , or " 3afreeta" , ………… ?
Does WHERE u do ur work makes a big difference in the way u c it? a clean air-conditioned well furnished multi national company , big institution , NGO , strategic place , college, school , streets , hospital , club , prison , field in the desert ,high up a tall building under the burning sun , on a dot in the heart of the wide blue sea , or on a dirty desk in a poor beurocratic governmental place , a mosque or church , minstry , sewers , ..................?
Does people u work with change the image? strict people , too many stupid seniors & managers , patients , psychos , high intellectuals , workers , aristocrats , violence oriented people , saints , funny kind hearted people , players , extremists - with all their forms - , artists , children , special people , .......................... ?
Does the salary or " paying " weights the package ? 3 digits paying or large 4 digits packs or larger 5 digits packs , in LE s or dollars or dinar or reyal , no matter what u r really do ?? i mean if u get very high paid while u know u r actually doing " nothing " ??
Does the environment or culture u work within matter ? fun ? beurocracy ? very firm & strict ? "moral " ? " immoral " ? extreme ? objective ? score- oriented ? money-oriented ? cultural ? "patriotic " ? friendly ? cruel & impositionig ? casual ? fair ? unfair ? moving ? stable ? rigid ? developing ? retarded ? .................... ?
Does being " in charge " " in control " managing & controlling everything , playing with marionette strings the ur way ? giving out commands , nice sounds like sir , "beik " "pasha " "doctor" " bashmohanddes ", ................ make some difference ?

How about ur family.. ur great ancestors .. & their great acheivements .. ur relatives... friends.. relations .. contacts .. ur VIP list .. & ur meetings .... COOOOOOOOOOOOOL !!

How about ur " looks " & "style " .. car .. & other accessories ? part of the "Big deal " status
Is the " Big deal " thing is about ur next move or the final step .. start or destination ?
What about " influence " ? the " CHANGE " u make in this world ? ur " PRINT " that u passed here in this world .. that u once have been here .. in this life ... community .. family .. friends.. children .. profession .. PASSION ?

What about PASSION , ain't it ur passion in life .. what u wanna do most .. what u r interested in most ..what u can focus most .. what u love most .. what u r most loyal to .. what u were meant to do.. the special gift that makes u special .. that helps u do special things .. DOES IT WORTH ? HOW DOES IT ACT IN THE PACKAGE ? IN ur "BIG DEAL " image ???
What else in the " BIG DEAL " CYCLE ? cycles and cycles !!
What actually makes the “big deal “ thing ? is it what u do ? or what u r while doing it ? or who u r when doing it ? or what comes along doing it ?
IS the " Big deal " thing a motive, is it some " image " that we all aspire & move to ? is it a target ? is it satisfying that much ? it enough to live for ? live with ? live in ? is it something TRUE or just some " IMAGE" we choose or r driven to c ..to fill the big gab of life ?
Is being some " Big deal " person is all what matters ?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

paroles paroles 2

hi, it's me again . back !
yup , again " paroles paroles " , why ? coz words r no easy thing .. one word ..BIG DEAL, c ..
i say a word .. it has so many " explicit & implicit " meanings & dimensions..
one word could b .. a curse .. name .. judgment .. taboo .. a huge wall .. fallacy .. promise .. quote .. "lazma" .. position .. attitude .. personality .. "LA3'W" .. .. ....
words r big responsibility & sometimes " burden" , know why ?
coz - like everything else- it's used , it could stay or pass , but it's a way people judge u , size u , attack ! ( yeah , may b i'm kinda defensive & c things sharp when it involves people )
most important of all , that someday i'll stand " amam ALLAH " & there will b "7esab " for every word i speak , write or think of !
also coz there r so many fake scary ghosts that pops up on my mind every time i think or write about unusual wild thoughts, fantasia , ... , opinions ,...
words r FREEDOM , words r EXISTENCE, WORDS R THE PAST & THE FUTURE , words what DIFFERS ..what MATTERS ..words r the ACTION .. & the REACTION !
Words require COURAGE .. BOLDNESS .. PASSION .. STRENGTH .. & TENDERNESS & TRANSPARENCY .. & most of all BEING TRUE , BEING ALIVE !! .. BEING YOU !!
but after all it may remain just " PAROLES PAROLES "

Monday, September 21, 2009

desert hallucination

hi,it's me again, back !
there u were in the desert
together
escape.. leaving everything behind
walking straight forward... to infinity
going to touch the face of sun
i know it's sunset now , the sun is leaving now.. yeah, that fake protection ,
golden cover of light & warmth .. vision ?!
darkness is falling soon .. nothing but our eyes brightness & moonlight .. & no one in sight
together hand in hand ..one heart beat
that's all i care about
i don't mind if ur feet are bare as long as it's ur way of curving ur footprints
burning sand , freezing roads , knives of stones ,drowning heavy dunes, enemies of pain , i don't care
as long as we r together .. as long as we r free
walking through the darkness .. embraced by desert infinity & ambiguity
mysterious .. but in ur eyes i c hope
fear..makes me feel ur protection
danger.. lets me hear ur heart beats
all the unknowns.. makes me sure of my trust in u
all danger.. all possibilities .. all chances.. in one moment we can lose it all..
makes me taste FAITH in every moment ..with u
in our cruel cold clear wide infinite desert
it's where we r all alone..only me & u .. our complete solitude ..our complete unity.
coz it's only desert what makes us c HOW BRIGHT STARS CAN B !

Friday, September 4, 2009

ناس كتير؟؟ !!

hi, it's me again, back !
أولاً , عذراً أننى سأستخدم وصف "؟؟" لأصف ناس أو سلوكيات أو صفات بأكرهها بشدة الآن و بجد بتقرفني و بتعكنن عليًا, عذراً لأن ال؟؟ جميل جداً و طيب و معطاء و كله خير و نعم و بجد كتًر ألف خيره ! و فعلاً ما يستحققش إني أستخدمه كده !
و عذراً لأن الإنسان مخلوق عظيم و مُكرًم لا يصح تشبيهه ب؟؟ فى شكل سلبي .. لأن بصراحه هذا يعد ظلماً للإثنين !
but who said life is fair !!!
يعنى المهم الناس اللى بأقصدها دي ناس كل همًها تزوِد قضبان حواليك .. أكِنها يعنى كانت نقصاهم !!
يعني يفضل همُه أنه يسألك أسئلة " شخصية" من باب الفضول و الغتاتة و أنه يقعد يُرص في مصفوفة categorizing u & sizing u و هي أنه بيحصرك في تلك المصفوفه matrix التفاهه و السطحيه و المنظره , عشان يستخدمها لاحقاً فى أنه يقلل منك أو يحصرك , أو أنه يعمل لك صورة يقعد يقدسها و" ياكل و يهري في نفسه " عشان يقنع نفسه انك " أحسن منه " أو بمعنى أصًح يقنع نفسه أنه ضحية و أن حظه قليل , أن الدنيا حظوظ و قبيل ذلك من الكلام السلبي " الححجج الفارغه "و العياذ بالله .
و تبدأ الأسئله السخيفه و مرحلة جمع البيانات لتكوين المصفوفة , و على سبيل المثال و ليس الحصر :
  • س: هو انت بتقبض كام ؟ مرتبك كام ؟
ج: فى ال range بتاع المهنة بتاعتنا في مثل هذة النوعية و هذا القطاع من الشركات مثلاً
لأ يعنى كام بضبط؟
!!!!!
  • الله , حلو القميص اللى انت لابسه ده , منييييييييييييييييييييييين ؟؟؟؟
من محل كذا (معروف range أسعاره )
بكااااااااااااااااااام ؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • حلوه أوي المحفظه دي , دي جديده ؟؟ وريني كده . (و يقوم فاتحها و مفصصصها )
!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • ورينى موبايلك كده ( و تك تك تك يقوم فاتح ال messages بتاعتك ) الله حلوه قوي ابعت لى الرساله دي .
!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • اتفضل عندنا فى الصالون.
و عقبال ما تروح المطبخ تعمل له حاجه تلاقيه فى قفاك و فاتح ثلاجتك .
!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • انت و واحد صاحبك قاعدين في حجرتك , فجأه تلاقيه فتح دولابك اللى فيه أغراضك الشخصيه علشان بسلامته عايز يعدل شعره فى مراية الدولاب .
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • عارفين انك موسوس و بتقرف عندما يشرب أحد من كوبك أو فوهة زجاجتك و لا يحلو لهم الشرب إلا من بوء زجاجتك أو كبايتك , رغم أن الزجاجات و الأكواب " ماليه الدنيا.. و الإلفلونزا كذلك !
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!


الموضوع أن كل هذة الأسئله و المواقف يمكن أن تكون مقبوله طبقا لدرجة قرب القائمين بها منك و من قلبك و من حياتك , و على حسب الغرض من هذة الأسئله مثل جمع هذه البيانات لإتخاذ قرار للبيع أو الشراء أو العمل أو ........
و بيبان - غالباً- كل واحد نِيته ايه !
أنا نفسي أرجع لزمن بعيد أو ناس نادرة كانت متربيه و تعرف العيب , تعرف يعنى ايه حاجه شخصيه, يعنى ايه " ما يخصناش" و ايه يصح و ايه " ما يصححش " , يعنى ايه أن الانسان حاجه أعمق بكتيـــــــــــــــــــــــــــر أوي و أكبرمن المبلغ اللى بيقبضه , أو ماركة الجازمه اللى لابسها و أو المحل اللى بيشترى منه ,أو نوع الموبايل اللى ماسكه جايبه منين و بكــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــام , أو ال cafe اللى بيشرب منه قهوته !!
أين الذوق و الرقه و الحياء ؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟
عندما نجدهم و يرجعوا هيرجع معهم الصديق اللطيف الذي تحب أن تأتمنه على أسرارك و تشاوره فى أمورك و أنت مطمئن ,
هترجع البيوت مفتوحه و متلهفه على الضيوف
هترتاح و تهدأ النفوس
سترجع علاقة الانسان بالانسان
و ليس مجموعة من " الحيوانات " الاستهلاكية السطحيه الماديه الطفيليه المتناحره الحسوده!
أاخيراً , كلمة مره قالها أستاذي فى أحد حصص الدروس الخاصه للرياضات عندما استفزه غباء و لامبالاة أحد الطلبه , قال:
و الله مين قال أن الرزق هو الفلوس و بس !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

صدقت.
و عذراً مرة أخرى ل؟؟؟ .

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

agressive + defensive + violent = afraid + ignorant

hi, it's me again, back !
last night i was sitting in my room watching tv , suddenly i saw simothing relativly big flying in kinda hazardous way, i felt like it's a bee or some kind of grass hoppers or ugly butterflies.. i paniced & all i thought of doing was to pick up my slipper & ATTACK !
i caught the moment it rested on the table & i kept on whipping ithard & continiously till i knew it's dead.. but it didn't die ! it was trying to move all the time.. while beating it & focusing on ending this creature, in panic , i tried to figure it out.. WHAT WAS THAT CREATURE ??
all i could notice or remeber that its body was like that of little crocodile or " borss" which is a disgisting creature in our culture, it had too many little arms with fingers i suppose -which it kept moving , it had wings, its body felt strong & " strange"
anyway, i can't tell what that creature was.. but let me think it out loud now,
  • i didn't know what that thing was, i 'm obiviously much larger & powerful than it is -from an insect/ human being prespective , but all i focused on was killing &termiating it.
  • my panic deprived me the chance of getting to know such " new strange creature " , which many may not meet in their lives, & itcould have made me special knowing it.
  • why did i get so paniced from such " insect"? IS IT ONLY COZ I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS? COZ I 'VE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE?
  • IS JUST THAT I " CATEGORIZED " that creature as insect or stinging flies taht made me take such attitude?
  • could that creature have been very beautiful one like beautiful butterflies or something if i took a better look @ it.. in unstressful situation.. in a non- predefined image or emotion towards such " category " of creatures ?
  • why was killing it & terminating it the only option that immideately poped up in my head?
  • why using violence was the ONLY & BEST option?
  • was there any other options my PANIC & PRE-DEFINED categorization- image-prespective-emotion prevented me of considering?
  • COULD GIVING MY SELF THE CHANCE TO THINK & ACT CALMLY HAVE GRANTED ME A BETTER EXPERIENE / REACTION / BENIFIT ..MAY B FRIENDSHIP ?!!
  • AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DOING THAT ?
  • AM I THE ONLY ONE THINKING LIKE THAT?
i don't know , but this is how i see it
AGRESSIVE + DEFENSIVE + VIOLENT = AFRAID + IGNORANT + LOOSER