about death ..

hi , it's me again, back!

about death.. loosing someone dear.. i lost my mama !!

here's some of what i found out..

it's about deep sadness.. sadness u can't give reasons for.. it's about losing the taste of everything.. u smile..u laugh.. but u r not happy.. it's like living as a ghost !

it's when u get obssessed with a dream u can c her in.. for 1 more gesture..1 more look.. 1 last conversation..

always u wonder.. does she know how i feel now.. does she know how much i love her.. how much i miss her .. how much i need her.. does she know i feel.. that i know it now.. i know what i should've known long before.. ???? ...... !!!! .

how all these thoughts haunt me.. & bang cruely violently inside my head.

this PAIN squeezing my heart.. this non-stop torture!

but what if...

what if she's happy now?

what if all her PAIN is over now.. all WEAKNESS is over now.. nothing to worry about now.. no more struggling .. only happiness & pleasure.. the absolute conception & now she's " aware " of everything.. now she knows.. & now she has everything TRUE..

EVERYTHING IS TRUE..

NOTHING TO LOSE..

NO FEAR..

NO PAIN..

NO LOSS..

ABSOLUTE FREEDOM..

ABSOLUTE PRICELESS PLEASURE..

ABSOLUTE RELEIF..

what if only now she can hear me.. know me.. feel me.. BE with me like never before..

what if she's in the better place now..much better that i can't even b compared with any thing i've seen or known or enjoyed or could ever have on this earth ..

what if i'm just so selfish that i only want her here with me despite all the pain

& suffering she could have faced by staying here.. "beside me" !!

what if i can -only now- give her everyday a present.. send her my love every moment..ANYTIME..

what if i could talk to her anytime or anywhere now?

what if she's -only now- doesen't worry about me & feels "tranquille" .."mettammena"..

what if she's with me more time than she could ever had before?? & i just don't know it!

what if i'm just wasting my left chances with her by crying & squeezing my heart out & losing control of my life?

what if death was the begining of something great i can dedicate to her??

what if she knows how i love her?

what if she knows how i miss her.. how i need her?

what if all that doesn't really matter to her now?

what if she she forgave me ..?

what if she'll forgive me by time..?

all i can say now.. REST IN PEACE MAMA..

ALLAH YER7AMEK YA OMMI ....