hi,it's me again, back!
today ana kont f 3aza, i was very touched , assuming that the dead person was young.. i don't know if it makes a real big difference, i just took a look on my life.. i tried to imagine how my 3aza could b.. & how i want it to b ..
i want it 2 b crowded with many people that knows me .. or each knows a side of me , like good at her work , like pioneer , like friendly with a nice smile , like talented , like smart , like tayeba awe, like kant gada3a , like w2fet ganby , like sha5seiia mo7tarama , like we did a lot of projects together , like we did a lot of 5eir together , we had a lot of fun together, like et3allemna mnha ,.... may b that's how i want it,
but if i died tomorrow, perhaps this is how it's gonna b..
very few people , lonely , only my family & some rrelatives r there , sad , crying, & may b my mom will go mad , so little friends .. yemken mosh haykamello hands fingers ... just couple of hours will pass -& except 4 my family - nothing changed, .. & nobody cares.
coz this is how i lived my life..
lonely , isolated , staying away from people , running away , can't communicate , i don't know how to make successful continious communication , shy, don't talk much on phones , don't hang out with anyone on thursedays , wander the club all my life all alone , don't meet my relatives much or even stay in touch , no visitors or guests ever come to our house.. it's doomed!
i don't do any activitiy since graduation , may b i'm lazy & like sleeping too much , i don't have much friends, i only have few & i don't communicate often, i'm not proven special at anything yet, i do nothing, i'm too pussy to do anything, to hesitated & confused to take any move , i'm not studying anything seriously now except for music , tooo hesitated & airy to decide anythingfor myself , can't make any continious strong mental or social relationship , not taking any serious or smart moves in m 'career' ,i'm living my life whinning & waiting for help, waiting for some miracle, mostly living my life like some peaceful fair shadow .. only shadow!
yeah, a lot of me seems to b 'fake', not real enough? was too consumed with my 'image'!
some people may just remember my shoutings w soty el 3aly yom el gom3a, may b arrogance, may b cruelty w 7edda shdeeda m3aha , ......... i don't know, but i know that nobody does know anything!
anyway, does any of this matter ? will i really care then ? does it make a difference then if i lived my life happily or not? enjoyed it to the bone or not ?
i guess all that matters , howwa reddak ya rabbe 3alaiia, ennak t2bal towbaty w este3'fary, tsam7ny 3ala essrafy w da3fy.. w 3'aflety ,all i can say now
لا إله إلا الله محمد رسول الله
استغفر الله الذي لا إلا إلا هو الحي القيوم و أتوب إليه
اللهم مغفرتك أوسع من ذنبي اللهم رحمتك أرجى من عملي
يا حي يا قيوم برحمتك أستغيث اصلح لى شأني كله و لا تكلني لنفسي ولو لبرهه
اللهم نفعنى بما علمتني و علمني ما ينفعني و زدني علما
سبحان الله و بحمدك عدد خلقك و رضا نفسك و زنة عرشك و مداد كلماتك
اللهم لك الحمد كما ينبغي لجلال وجهك و عظيم سلطانك
لا اله إلا أنت سبحــــــــــــــــــانك إني كنت من الظالمين
اللهم بارك لى في عمري
و صل اللهم و سلم و بارك على سيدنا محمد و على آله و صحبه اجمعين
