haven't seen but i know..

Hi, it’s me again, back!

In bed for more than an hour now.. so worried that she can’t sleep.. off to the balcony, with so many high buildings that surround her.. she knows. searching for some air to breathe.. what a cold night.. it must be full moon! She knows. Is it gonna rain?

Embraced by her woolen scarf ..shivering.. looking away.. far away.. longing to be embraced by the sky .. touching her full belly ..laying her hands fully on it as if searching for little heart beats to feel.. while cold breeze gently blows her hair over her eyes..she falls into deep thinking ..

Was it right to get this far.. how could I let this happen.. will I be the right mother for him.. can I be a mother..can I ?

How will I hold him, feed him?.. how will I see if he’s hurt.. how will I know if he’s sad ?! how will I play with him .. will i be able to take care of my baby? Will I be able to protect him.. ? could I ever cause him harm ?! can I ever hurt him.. can I ever hurt my baby ?! will I ever be any good for him.. will I ever be enough for him?

Will he love me? Will he know how much love & care I want to give him ? will he understand that he’s the most precious blessing I could ever have? Will he understand how much I love him ? even if I couldn’t - & tears start sobbing down her face - …

..Couldn’t give him a perfect mother? A mother that can see his face? A mother that can Know it all from a look in his eyes?

I’m a woman who can’t even see his clothes when he gets them dirty !! a woman that can’t catch him if he stumbles off his bike!!

The cold gets more & more crueler as her fears grow higher & higher.. & tears pour like rain.

So lost in the dark.. so lost in her fears.. embracing her arms trying to pull herself together..trying to keep away from that pain squeezing her trembling heart..looking to the sky with her eyes closed.. & starts to silently pray..

Oh Allah (GOD) .. with all my love I pray YOU..YOU are the only one who knows everything.. the only one who know what’s inside every soul.. & what every soul can & can’t do.. Mighty Allah ,You the giver of all blessing.. The giver of all the love & beauty in all creatures.. all the love in Thy mercy..like mercy in mother’s hearts..like love in children laughs..like the strength of guidance & certainty light.. like the beauty in morning flowers.. the beauty of night silver moon..though I can’t see them.. I know they are there.. I know they do exist.

Will my baby know that I love him? That I wanna give him the world? Can he feel it? Can he hear my tears now ?can he feel my worries? Will he know ?!

Will a blind mother give her son what he needs? Can I ?

While the cold wind was smacking her body.. she felt his arms wrapping her tenderly..& felt his head landing silently on her shoulder.. he was by her back.

She felt him saying..

Honey, That you can’t see it..it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.


& it rains.